Writing a book is a privilege; sharing it with others, for me, is a necessary pain, the end of a process, the final death, and also the beginning of promoting this thing I’ve already spent nearly two years wringing my … Continue reading
Below is an excerpt from Expecting, available now in ebook form, in print in a week:
After telling my parents back in June about my pregnancy, and after the stuff with the police calmed down, I was barely showing. By August, there was a little bump you could see if you were looking for it, but it was nothing a baggy sweatshirt couldn’t cover up. It took awhile for me to realize that Map was really serious about not letting me have an abortion, and as my first trimester came to a close, the reality of it all settled in. Map came into my room one day in mid- August, interrupting my afternoon nap.
“Sheila, dear, wake up, sweetie. We need to get up to Target today and get your materials together. School starts next week.”
At first, in my half-asleep state, her voice becomes part of the dream I’m having about eating ice cream, and it takes me a full minute to wake up and respond, “Um, Map, I kind of assumed I’d be staying home. Being prego and fourteen and in high school just doesn’t seem like a good combo.”
“I spoke to the administration about it last month, and they’re willing to make an exception for you as long as you don’t tell anyone, because I’m an employee. Also, your father offered to make a sizable donation for the new gym fund this year.”
What the shit? “What do you mean, Map? That’s nice of them to make an exception and all, but are you all asking me to lie about being pregnant? What am I supposed to do when I’m changing for gym? A baby belly doesn’t lie, Map.”
“It’s covered: they’ll excuse you from gym class once you’re starting to show too much–just tell everyone you’ve got asthma.”
This is nuts. “Then what? What happens when I actually have the baby in February? What then?”
“We’ll just tell everyone it’s mine. I’ve committed to gaining a little weight right along with you, so I’ll look a little pregnant.”
“Are you also planning on wearing a prosthetic belly, Map? What is wrong with you–this is craziness!” Map is bat shit. And I can’t believe Dad just bribed my way in to being prego in Catholic school.
“Sheila, trust me. You just need to play along with this and it’ll be over before you know it. Of course, some people will know, but if you just don’t talk about it, they can’t confirm it, and you won’t be accused of setting any kind of example. And this way, you won’t fall behind in your studies; you’ll stay academically competitive and be able to go to college with your own age group. If you miss a year of high school, it’s pretty hard to make up. And don’t think you’re the only pregnant girl to go to Catholic school–the key is just to not talk about it. It’s like: don’t ask, don’t tell.”
“Map, did you really just say that? I’m not doing it. No way. Keeping this baby is your idea, so you should homeschool me this year.” I let out a big sigh, and start to get up out of bed because I have to go pee.
“If you go along with the plan, your father and I will buy you a new car for your sixteenth birthday.”
I stop. A new car ups the ante: I imagine my sixteen-year-old self speeding down the highway in my brand new red convertible with the top down. The wind is in my hair, James is sitting next to me with his hand on my knee, and neither of us have a care in the world. “Okay, I”ll do it, but it has to be a convertible.” I think I just sold my soul.
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I like the alone part of writing; I enjoy closing the door on my own life for a bit so I can tune in to Pandora while listening to the voices in my head. But even loners get lonely, and … Continue reading